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Interviewer: Yes, please.Me: Anyways, so, I found myself sort of enjoying the pain. I guess I was a bit of a wild child. Oh, I loved my parents. But, they didn't seem to understand. They kept giving me what I wanted when I didn't do what they wanted me to. You know, same thoughts as most people have.Interviewer: So, to you, they rewarded you, with a spanking, a smack, something like that, for the wrong behavior.I nodded.Me: Exactly. It was like you getting a candy. My parents were at their wits end. Eventually, as I got older, I started understanding how much I was hurting them, upsetting them. I guess I sort of turned inward. I stopped acting up to get rewarded, and instead started just...rewarding myself.Interviewer: How so?Me: Well, when I went to bed, I would take my belt, spank myself, over and over and over, until my butt was bright red, hot, felt aflame. I would go to sleep, enjoying the heat, the pain, raising from my butt.Interviewer: Oh.Me: My shrink calls it sexual. There was only one more month to go, and her genealogy study for the government would take her to a new place, a new set of surroundings, offering the same empty and unfulfilling experiences that dragged her down now. Lucia had grown up in a negative home environment and that was the filter she wore. Lucia had exemplary marks and was intrigued by the job the headhunters had offered her. After many years of university, Lucia thought it would be an answer to her boredom, to her unfilled life. What she really needed was a new filter to help her enjoy her life. She liked to blend in and go unnoticed. The undercover siren was naturally quiet, and purposefully underplayed her beauty. No one noticed her, or approached her. Or so she thought. Across the busy outdoor café, through dozens of people, an attractive set of eyes watched her. It was a typical Sunday afternoon, and as usual, Lucia hid her beauty behind dark glasses and drab clothing. Lucia did this because she didn’t want to become.
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